I'm a recovering people pleaser, is that okay?

All of my life I have been a people pleaser. If there was a group, called people pleasers anonymous I would be the president. When asked for help with just about anything I will reply with "of course, no problem!" it's like a disorder where the words just fly out of my mouth before I have even truly processed the request. As you can guess, I have helped a lot of people move, done my fair share of painting (not the artistic type) and stepped in more times than I can count to help a co-worker out. I did so much people pleasing in my first marriage that I turned myself into what I believed was my ex-husbands ideal woman. The sad thing is in doing so not only did I lose myself, he lost the woman he fell in love with.


 As you can imagine, having a blended family lends itself to a lot of compromising. The question is when is it a healthy compromise, and when is it one that ultimately causes more harm than good. When I have a yoga class scheduled and I am asked to step in to help take care of picking up the kids, do I say yes (of course, I can't say no) or do I put my self care first? The thing is, the question is just that, it doesn't have strings or expectations and "NO" is always a completely okay response. If I say no, the kids will still be picked up, but the person asking might have to change their schedule around to accommodate for what they had already planned to do in the first place. If there is fault to be blamed here, it's mine.


I have a really hard time setting boundaries and/or simply saying "NO." So the question I have for you is this, When is setting a boundary, like telling the kids not to speak to me til I have had my coffee okay, and when is it simply bad parenting? When is it okay to say, I really can't get the kids, I am sorry, and when should I drop everything and go running? I have a book called boundaries, I read the first page and had a mini anxiety attack. I couldn't continue because I wasn't sure I could heed the words written within. What if I say no, and people think I am a *%$#^? What if I set a boundary, like asking that communications about scheduling or any important nature, not occur first thing in the morning? Again before my coffee. Would that be rude, would it come across as not accommodating and unkind? More importantly why do I care so much about how I appear to others? Why can't I go with my gut knowing that at the heart of things I am good natured loving person? I would love to hear your thoughts, and to find out if I am alone in all of this. There have to be others out there right? Maybe we could form a group.. but for now I need to call a friend, to see what time she needs me on Saturday, I am helping her move.

12 Reasons not to run, and why I do it anyway

Reasons Not To Run:

1.Its raining
2.It's cold
3.It's hot
4.I just ate
5.I just took a shower
6.I'm exhausted
7.It's too early
8.It's too late
9.I can't find my..pants, shoes, bra
10.It's hard
11.It hurts
12.I hate it

While making this list the last 3 should have been the first, for they are the root of all the other reasons.. er um I mean EXCUSES. The better questions is why do I hate running, but go anyway? Because everything worthwhile takes effort, pain and commitment. If it came easily everyone would do it. The truth is, for me it's hard, painfully woefully tough. Within the first few blocks even, my breathing becomes labored and self doubt starts up with its litany of just why I should quit, start walking, preferably back in the direction of the warm well lit house, grab a glass of wine and forget this nonsense. After all I'm short, curvy and not at all built to be a runner anyway (or so the small voice says). By this time, luckily (or not) I'm half way through my run and it's the same distance to go forward as it is to go back. This is the place where something else kicks in, the feeling that I deserve this, the gentle and loving reminder from that same voice within that says, "you can do this, you deserve this" reminding me yet again that nothing amazing ever comes easy.

For me, it's running. I've always known it was,. It's the thing I desire to love (the feeling when I am finished can only be topped by a select few things) and yet it hurts EVERY SINGLE TIME, so much so that I have never (yet) been on a run without contemplating giving up. What is it for you? Is it going for that work promotion? Making the leap and taking up yoga? Entering the dating scene after a brutal divorce? Giving up dairy, finally, after all, you are allergic! Just remember, you're not alone, everyone has something (or several somethings) and the best, hardest things will always be painful. So get up and get to it, there's no time like the present. I promise it'll be hard and that in the end you will not regret it.