"Are you Special or something?"

As a Mom of four it can be very easy to get caught up in the taking care of everyone but myself. It can even get to that place where I simply snap. This happened to me recently, and my son was the recipient of my not finding time for yoga and self care. It came in the form of a very sarcastic question..
 "Are you special or something?"
it packed such a punch that as the words flew out of my mouth, I instantly wished I could reel them back in, like a fat slippery fish on a line. He had been arguing with his siblings and I had asked them all numerous times to stop pestering one another. When I finally told them that I was done, that I had simply "had enough!" He looked at me and said "repeat, repeat, repeat, blah, blah blah" and that's when it happened. When I asked him the question that turned the room silent. He burst into tears and ran from the room. His siblings who had been in a full out fight only moments before were aghast at what I had said. "Mom, that was soooo mean, I can't believe you said that, you never say things like that!!" They were right, weren't they, what kind of mom says this to their child? How could I say such a thing? But, I had, it was out and there was no taking it back. Why as mom's do we set such high expectations for ourselves. We try to present this super human façade to our children, and when we slip up, when we say that one terrible thing our children are in shock. Only to be disappointed time and again at the inability to live up to this impossible expectation. I can't deny that if I could take it back I would, but I think something good also came from it. My children learned that I too can lose my temper, that I am human, fallible and most importantly responsible for my own actions. the fact is, as much as I would like to say it will never happen again, we all know that it will. I apologized to him, profusely and expressed that I shouldn't have ever spoken to him in that way. I also learned that my children are forgiving and understanding, and ironically enough they have not forgotten what I said. They remind me every once in a while. Just when I have almost forgotten, they're there for me, to remind me of the time I said something TERRIBLE. It's funny because they can't seem to remember to put their laundry away, or to clean their rooms, or to remove that wet towel from the bathroom floor. Now that the bubble has been burst, and my children know I am not a saint, I am able to relax around them, to be a little more me. This doesn't mean I am calling them names, or swearing or asking them if they are special, but it does mean that I am more comfortable expressing my true feelings. For their benefit and my own, I will be making yoga a regular part of my schedule once again. But one thing I can promise, I will no longer strive for perfection, instead I will try to become the best possible version of me. After all, I do believe that I too am special.