I'm expecting

It's early morning and I am up, begrudgingly, coffee by my side helping to dissipate the discontent.  Our Christmas tree is up too, and while I am certain it wouldn't win any sort of award it is beautiful none the less. Expectations have been on my mind lately, I once had a friend who was planning a vacation, you know that thing where you leave home and explore new amazing places? I thought I would define it for all of those Mom's, and Dad's out there who haven't experienced one in quite some time. Anyway, she expressed to me that half the fun of her vacation was in the planning, and more so in the anticipation of where they would go, what they would do. How the sand would feel between her toes, the delicious first sip of a perfectly salted margarita on the rocks. Now, before I have you wanting a drink, at whatever hour it is that you are reading this I will get to my point. When did expectations become something that were bad? When did it become something that we should avoid instead of embrace? In yoga I have learned to let go of the day, of all expectations and simply be, relax into myself, into the embrace of the moment. While I can admit, yoga has saved me a lot of heart ache, or at least eased it, and helped me to be a better mother and wife, I still believe that it is okay, even healthy to have expectations.


The secret doesn't lie in the not having of them but rather in the reaction when they do not come to be. I had pictured a Sunday afternoon of baking with Christmas music filling the air, as we pulled out our massive collection of ornaments, some mine, some his and some ours. We would reminisce and tell stories, finding ourselves missing loved ones long gone and laughing over the many handmade ornaments, filled with love and good intentions. As you can guess this is not exactly how things played out. My husband had a different vision and it included cleaning the garage while the tree stood naked propped against the living room wall, begging to be dressed.


You can imagine how the garage cleaning went, a lot was accomplished but arguments were a plenty. If I had to guess I would say that 1. The kids had an expectation closer to mine and 2. They don't like cleaning (go figure). I wish I could say that I handled this well. The simple truth is, I did not. I became irritated, emotional and disappointed over my vision, my expectations not being fulfilled. After a good-ish night sleep I can see it in a different light. The joy that I experience from my expectations was worth the disappointment when they did not come to be. More importantly I need to learn to readjust and embrace each moment. I could have chosen to make a game out of cleaning the garage, getting out the ornaments should have been a reward for a job well done.


 To be fair I need to say all of the things I had hoped for did happen, mostly.. there may have been more bickering during the process than the "blended bliss" I had imagined, but the bread was baked, the tree was put up and the stockings were too. And when I saw the stockings,

my heart soared, for there they were, all together on one side of the fire place. When I asked why they were all on the one side, the children quickly replied "because we didn't want to be separated." That, right there, was worth it all. Better than anything I could have hoped for. So here's to expectations, the ones met, the ones that fall short and the ones that far exceed our dreams. And more importantly, here's to embracing each moment.